Broken Legs of Happiness, Blood Dried Inside

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Broken Legs of Happiness, Blood Dried Inside

Postby SnoringFrog » Tue Jan 04, 2011 10:10 pm

Glassfull of cheer, chugged without regret
Not a shard of glass in it, no hint of pain here
Perfectly amazing, blood on the rocks bliss
Sucked out of life with scarcely a kiss
Pure ecstasy: pungent and amazing
Hops through veins with rejuvinating movement.

Cool shade of night, always the better--
Piles on the pounds, proverbial fetters
Bring together the best, to rot like a corpse
Where is life in their breasts? Nowhere? Of course...
Hand another the glass: mine crashed in my hand
My own blood just cannot satisfy.

Recoil. Relapse. Reclude somewhere safe
Fails to be help; find another way
No use for the many, with one out--collapse
Time for regret? Heh. Wasted guess.
The Author screams, bleeds, sings,
vomits forth his life through pale skins.

So much vomit, stomach knotted for an era
Almost expected, yet I was still unaware.
Fist to the challenge: it will be summited yet
Return to the vampiric, chugging cheer again.
Selfishly now, glass for my hands alone
'Less shared for sake of union.

----

This is one of my more recent pieces. Felt like posting something to see if I could get a few opinions on it. I won't go into a full explanation of what it's about, but I'd love to hear other people's interpretations of it.
UC Pseudonym wrote:For a while I wasn't sure how to answer this, and then I thought "What would Batman do?" Excuse me while I find a warehouse with a skylight...
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Postby Zarn Ishtare » Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:58 pm

I review you, you review me, aight?


At first glance, I thought that this was going to be a poem about alchohol abuse/drunk driving.The alluding to Vampiric elements threw me off abit; obviously the life has been drained, but who, what, why are all questions I would ask. Perhaps eluding to self-destructive behavior? Not quite suicide, but something in that vein. Experience tells me this is likely deeply personal, though there is always a chance you were inspired by a song, a picture, a book...sources of inspiration are endless.

It flows well, though I haven't seen this structure before. Self made or is it a classical structure I don't know?
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
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Postby Zarn Ishtare » Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:59 pm

Also, it had a feminine feel to it; don't know why.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
Zarn Ishtare
 
Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.

Postby SnoringFrog » Wed Jan 12, 2011 5:59 pm

Sounds good. I'll try to get to something of yours tonight.

And you were right, it is personal. Honestly, it's not much more than a stylish recollection of a day I had. The structure is self-made, and if I'm remembering correctly I just wrote and the first stanza kind of came together so I tried to stick with that. I don't always try to aim for anything specific; I just write and see what happens. I haven't gotten into trying many classical structures yet, though I am interested to at some point.
UC Pseudonym wrote:For a while I wasn't sure how to answer this, and then I thought "What would Batman do?" Excuse me while I find a warehouse with a skylight...
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