The CAA Vending Machine

[Abassi]

You receive a terribly interesting contract. Hey! Stop reading that!

*inserts the Old Times*

[AdriTan]

The vending machine gives you it's Myspace account complete with an old picture of itself before it was full of silly things.

*inserts a CD from the 80s Christian rock band, Petra*

[Abassi]

(Myspace!? The horror...the horror...)

You receive a fairly enjoyable experience, and a note reminding you that this is a vending machine, not a Jukebox! Or is it a Jukebox? A juice box? No, nobody likes those, if you put the straw in wrong they explode.

*inserts the Real Old Times*

[SierraLea]

The machine swallowed the Old Times and refuses to give you anything back. You kick it and finally get shredded paper and an electrical wire. Let's hope you didn't break it!

Insert Massively oversized socks.

[Abassi]

You must work vigorously to fit the socks into the slot but finally, success! You receive an octopus with roller skates.

*inserts the Dead Times and a Muppet Treasure Island reference*

[AdriTan]

You receive a hug from Big Fat Ugly Bug-Faced Baby-Eating O'Brien.

*inserts peg leg and Treasure Planet reference*

[Abassi]

You receive a solar-surfboard and also some splinters. Yar.

*inserts 1d20*

[AdriTan]

You receive a....... bard. Have fun being serenaded.

*inserts 2d10*

[SierraLea]

You receive the Reality Stone. Careful it doesn't destroy the world!

Insert coupon for free french bread

[Abassi]

You receive a loaf of french bread, but it isn't really yours you know, it's free! Free to live it's own life, to mold in its own time! Voila, that's life, enjoy it!

*inserts a grue*

[SierraLea]

Receives a dictionary.
Inserts trashy romance novel.

[Abassi]

The vending machine disposes of the 'novel' and issues you the collected works of H. G. Wells, Jules Verne, and Robert Louis Stevenson.

*inserts the three laws of robotics*

[SierraLea]

Receives Astro Boy. I'll leave you to determine whether or not you got your item's worth.

Insert Star Wars Day,

[Abassi]

You receive Groundhog Day!

*inserts a cog*

[SierraLea]

Receive a pocket watch.

Insert sand with a dash of sunshine.

[Abassi]

You receive rain with a dash of old brine, it's nonsensical but hey, it kinda rhymes!

*inserts a conceptual project*

[SierraLea]

receives a failing grade because it never got past the concept.
Inserts painful burping.

[Abassi]

You receive a watch equipped with a time machine. Quickly now, you must travel backward and acquire a fizzy drink, if you fail to do so this time stream may be compromised!

*inserts a cautionary note regarding Morlocks*

[SierraLea]

Thank you for making me look that up! It's a good thing I received brain bleach.
Insert the Hero of a Thousand Faces.

[Abassi]

To be fair, you can't be worse off than the poor children who were terrified by the Morlocks in that one Wishbone episode. Ah, Wishbone, good times...sometimes terrifying, but good.

For your thousand faces you receive a thing of three facets, that is to say, a Sampo.

*inserts false coinage*

[SierraLea]

Receive three dollar diamond.

Inserts weeping rock.

[Abassi]

You receive a DVD that claims to be from some sort of physician. Don't sneeze. Wait, is that right? Yeah, sure. It's probably fine.

*inserts a highly unusual animal and instructions related to its home address*

[SierraLea]

And I receive a green, furry crump. Aw, the two tails are adorable.
Inserts the most difficult and breathtaking hike in the lower United States.

[Abassi]

You receive an ordinary pickle. Odd, but there you have it.

*inserts 75 cents and a formal request regarding the weather*

[SierraLea]

Receives a sky equally split between sunshine and rain. Hey, I've seen it happen.
Inserts bag of skittles.

[Abassi]

Shocked by this turn of events, the Vending Machine refunds you 50 cents.

*inserts insomnia*

[SierraLea]

receives a weird dream involving a Dr. Seuss-themed parade. I've had both in the past week, dude. Pregnancy does weird things with your sleep.

Inserts two right flip flops.

[Abassi]

You receive one left ear, which it is possible to exchange for four middle eyes, assuming you find the correct sort of trader.

*inserts a wad of cat fur*

[SierraLea]

Receives a wolf pelt, complete with ears, claws, and muzzle. Better check if it's still breathing.

Inserts one floral-patterned sundress

[Abassi]

You receive an edible book of flowers. The cover is especially delicious.

*inserts a chunk of ice*