CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

[SIZE="1"]Okay, let me start by saying that my and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half. He is methodist and I'm non-denominational (I go to a Calvary Chapel)

Both of us are committed to staying abstinant, but we do kiss.

When we don't have money, or don't feel like going out, we usually just go to eachothers houses and watch a movie, order in, stuff like that.
(Whoevers house it it, our parents are always there)

Now for my serious question.

Is it bad to just lay down together on his bed or couch or whatever while we're watching TV, or if we're just tired and lay down for a while.

We don't spend the night at eachothers houses. I'm not talking about us "gettin' it on" or anything while we're laying down. Just innocent. Harmless. Sleep.

Any thoughts?[/SIZE]

As harmless as it looks, it can lead to other things. If you're watching TV, I'd suggest actually sitting on the couch and avoid going to his room.

I'm a girl, and I once got into almost irreversible trouble with my (then) boyfriend when we started hanging out in his room and there was no one else in the house.

Feel free to PM or IM me for details. I'm glad you're committed to staying pure, but spending time in his room (even if nothing happens) is one step on the road to compromising your commitment.

Short answer: No, it's not wrong.

But, it can lead to temptation. If you're not tempted, though, not a thing wrong with it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with cuddling on the couch with each other. If you're truly committed to waiting for marriage, it won't be an issue.

After reading your post, it shouldn't be an issue. Don't worry about it unless you start to waver.

[SIZE="1"]Thanks guys.
I forgot to mention this before, but yeah, the couch is in his room. BUT (very big but)
1. It can be seen from his kitchen
2. his parents are ALWAYS there and
3. he's not allowed to have his door shut.

Again, thanks.

I just wanted some reassuring that we weren't doing anything wrong. [/SIZE]

I would say make sure there is always someone in the house and that you can always been seen.

You should be careful, though. Even if you aren't having any trouble with it, you never know if you ever might have trouble with it in the future. I know most of the struggles in my own life definitely came unexpectedly.

"After reading your post, it shouldn't be an issue. Don't worry about it unless you start to waver."

It's best to think ahead and be smart about things. Don't wait until you have trouble with something before you do something about it. Laying together on a bed, even if someone else is in the house, is probably never a good idea.

I see that you are 18. It's always good to have a youth pastor or someone similar you are close with that you can discuss these things with, especially if you have a romantic relationship. As great as CAA is, you're going to need more than a few forum posts to think through these issues.

sldr4Christ1985 wrote:"After reading your post, it shouldn't be an issue. Don't worry about it unless you start to waver."

It's best to think ahead and be smart about things. Don't wait until you have trouble with something before you do something about it. Laying together on a bed, even if someone else is in the house, is probably never a good idea.

I see that you are 18. It's always good to have a youth pastor or someone similar you are close with that you can discuss these things with, especially if you have a romantic relationship. As great as CAA is, you're going to need more than a few forum posts to think through these issues.

I probably should have rephrased my statement. I never intended not thinking ahead, which she is obviously doing regardless by the very fact that she made this thread. However, by that same token, I don't suddenly expect her to dive straight into trouble. By "Waver," right now her intent and mood are both innocent, and I assume as is his. Any detection of a change in those variables is the sign to call it quits.

as a guy I'd say no, I found it very tempting, and did things i wished i hadn't

I only speak from my experience with my ex.

For me, it started off harmless (at least, I thought so as a female). It led to cuddling and more. I'll stop right there.

I had unwittingly created temptation for the guy and it affected the relationship negatively because he kept wanting to 'cuddle' after that and I was getting sick of being the one who had to say "No." <-- That played an additional part in my breakup.

And to think that we haven't even kissed yet. Guh.

I now have the mindset that I'll have all the time in my life (what? ~ 40 years) to sleep together and cuddle with a guy when I'm married so I think I'll enjoy my private space on bed and couch now. LOL

But seriously, I think the issue is more pressing for your boyfriend than you. It's harmless to you but to him?

I predict that there will coincidences when you will be with him alone in the house. Funny how situations set themselves up against you when you're trying to do the opposite.....

Thanks again, guys.

After reading everything you have said, I've been thinking a lot more.
And also, I probably should have said some more about him before I started posting.

(like... he is dead set against having sex...
He broke up with his only other girlfriend because she tried to force him to sleep with her and he wouldn't yay!
And.........His and my parents are both REALLLYY strict and don't let us out of their sight.)

Thanks again guys!
Its great to know I've always got someone to talk to here

It's great you have supervision and a strict code.

I have to say, when I say your post I thought, "Uh oh!" I remember reading too many testimonies of young people who were innocently watching movies together... or thought they could sleep in the same bed innocently because they were both tired and committed to staying pure... and one thing led to another. They started wrestling, or kissing... and either lost their virginity (or almost!) and regretting it.

So I'd say be really careful. I mean, your brain says one thing but your hormones might start saying another. Be careful about needless temptation! That said, it seems like you guys (and his parents) have a pretty good handle on things. It's just something to keep in mind; we wouldn't be human if we weren't tempted, so it doesn't make you a bad person if you have to watch out for situations that create temptation.

I am glad to see that the two of you are committed to purity; however, I must ask you a few questions based on the fact that your information indicates that you are 18. Are either of you currently in or planning on attending college in the near future? If so, would doing so necessitate a long-distance relationship? I ask these questions, because marriage--or evaluating the possibility of marriage--should be the ultimate focus of any Christian relationship, and at your age college could be a serious obstacle.

Back to the topic in question, I do not see any harm in your situation, but keep in mind that any advances in physical intimacy prior to marriage should be made with caution and counsel. If the parental guidance continues in your relationship, then you should do very well.

There are a lot of things that we never plan on doing, but we end up doing them anyway.