Hey friends, I want to try to experiment a bit and see what you guys think of my story. I've decided to reveal the first chapter of my manga story. Please read my script and tell me what you guys think of it, whether you liked it or disliked it, whether I should make any changes or improvements. Any praise or criticism is welcomed. The input you give will help me to write my story better. It will also help me to decide whether I should post my other chapters or not. Since I have already finished my first volume (18 chapters), I am already working on my second volume and your feeback is very much appreciated. So enjoy the first chapter of "The Fallen Rise".EDIT: ADDED A FEW MORE LINES AND A FEW MORE SCENES. REVISION IS INCOMPLETE. 3/19/13
The Fallen Rise
Chapter 1- The Meeting of the Destined One and the Fallen One
Setting: view of the Gulf of Mexico and the sky in an American coastal city during the Afternoon.
The Main protagonist, Nathan Cross, is a 24 years old male who recently graduated from college, yet because of his troubled past, he has no real direction in his life. He has just finished his temp job for the day and is going to his car. As he enters and starts his car he puts on some metal core music (Oh Sleeper- Endseekers) on his radio. As he drives off we see a view of the inside of his car as well as a view of the city with vague intervening flashback scenes of armies approaching a group of female and male warriors doing battle. In the distance a storm is approaching.
We move on to see him arrive at his small house.
(A mysterious woman dressed in a white robe and hood hiding her face looks down at Nathan through a portal-like mirror)
Mysterious woman: Is this the man you were speaking of Father? Is he the one that will bring back my dead brethren?
(As Nathan walks towards the front door of his house he has a serious yet upset face. With a sad face he looks at a carving next to the front door saying “I’ll miss you Aunt Anna and Uncle Peter”. As he enters the house he turns on the television with a program about whether angels and demons exist. He sits down on his small couch and watches the program for a while)
TV: Mankind has always felt that it was not alone. Whether it be messengers of God, or demonic presences in the dark places. Mankind has strived to understand the world beyond our own.
Nathan: Alone, huh! It pretty much describes me. (Nathan changes the channel to Rox News)(The Reporter say: We are still reporting over this multiple car crash event in this race car event held here in Texas. Shaun Hanes will be there soon live and talk with one of the survivors of this terrible disaster)
Nathan: I don’t get it God, why has my life been one disaster after another, and then suddenly it turns into one boring and lonely life. Father, what have I done to deserve what I went through in my entire teenage life. And immediately as I entered adulthood, it’s been 7 years of study and work. (He looks at his Bachelor’s degree in Philosophy and Theology mounted on a wall)
And for what? I have no direction in life anymore. (This is Shaun Hanes reporting live and we’re with one of the race drivers involved in this horrible crash. Tell me sir, how do you feel right now?)(Race Car Driver: I just feel relieved that no one I cared about was hurt. All these guys involved in this accident are very close friends of mine)
Nathan: Everyone I cared for is either gone or somewhere else I don’t even know. *sigh*
I wish I was still a little kid. At least then I had a peaceful life with my friends and family. I know I should have made new friends, but I...I just can’t anymore. I’m afraid...I’m afraid once I have them that...I’ll lose them. Like I lost my family and loved ones. (Race Car Driver: I guess guardian angels were looking out for us today.)
Nathan: Father, where’s my angel when I need one? I’m all alone.
(Nathan hides his face in his hands, but feels something in his pocket. he digs into his right pocket. He takes out a necklace with a unique-looking cross. He turns the cross around to see words engraved on the back “Yours forever”.)
(Nathan has a blurred vision of his past when he used to be 17 years old and he sees a beautiful woman in front of him making him a promise to be his forever, and the woman hands him the necklace as a symbol of that promise. Nathan then wakes up from his vision and looks at the cross again.)
Nathan: Where are you, Cayla?....ahh (he gets a bit irritated and turns off the TV
)....I’m taking a bath.
(The scene changes to a woman sitting on top of a skyscraper pondering over someone she is searching, as she puts her right hand in front of her face revealing a strange mark on her right hand. She has shining brown hair and bright amber eyes with a face that's both innocent, yet fierce)
Unknown woman (Cayla): Where are you, Nathan? It’s been so long, my love. Where did you go? (She takes out a photo of Nathan and her at a race car event and reflects back to that time)
(Both she and Nathan are standing from the audience seats and watching the end of the race)
Cayla screams in joy: Yes, yes, yes! WOOOHOOOO. I won, I won, Nathan. Look, Car 77 won the race.
Nathan: Alright, alright, you beat me fair and square. My car, #47, came in third. Oh well, that was fun to watch.
Cayla: So what did I win Nathan? Tell me, tell me, tell me.
Nathan: Ok, Ok. This is what you won. (Nathan takes out a camera and grabs a hold of Cayla) Say cheeeeese.
Cayla says disappointingly: A picture!? (Nathan takes the picture with him smiling while embracing a frowning Cayla) You said it was going to be something special.
Nathan says cheerfully: Hahahaha. Fine, this is your real present. (Nathan takes out a box) Here, go on, take it. (Cayla takes it and opens it, revealing a bracelet. It has both metal and 24k gold beads, with a small silver cross hanging from it. On the back of the cross is engraved Col. 3:14)
Cayla: Oh Nathan, do you really mean that.
Nathan: Well I, uhh. (Cayla kisses Nathan on the cheek and Nathan smiles looking at her, glad that she loved the present)
Cayla: Thank you so much, Nathan. I’ll wear this always. (She puts it on her right wrist)
(Back to the present, Cayla is looking at the bracelet Nathan gave her)
Then from behind, a stranger says: I found you. This time you won’t escape from me, Fallen One.
(The stranger is dressed in all black and looks like a cyborg with a black mask/helmet covering his face. He carries with him a Ninjato (Ninja sword) on one hand and an electrocuting device strapped to his left arm. The woman turns around to look at the stranger and immediately jumps off the building and lands on the roof of a nearby building with superhuman strength. She begins to run at great speed to try and escape from the enemy. However, the enemy is also able to keep up with her because of his cyborg-like abilities.
Cayla says in her mind: How? How did he find me? I was sure to leave no trail for him to follow.
The enemy says: How about we end this game of cat and mouse. This chase has gone long enough, don’t you think.
(We then see rapidly interchanging scenes of Nathan taking a bath and the unknown woman attempting to escape the masked cyborg enemy (parkcore style))
(Finally, as Nathan is getting out of the bath wearing his pants and an unbuttoned T-shirt exposing his upper body and the necklace around his neck, the woman unexpectedly jumps and breaks through the window and crashes into Nathan much to his surprise. As Nathan lays on the floor dazed and confused he sees the woman on top of him and is in disbelief at what he sees.)
Nathan: I...It’s you.
Cayla: What? No it can’t be.
She looks at Nathan to make sure it’s him, and as she sees the cross on his neck, she shouts out in joy and grabs Nathan to hug him: It is, I finally found you my love.
However, the enemy arrives and makes fun of them: Ahh...how touching, so sad that your little reunion will have to end now.
Cayla then gets up and takes her stand, ready to fight, and says: NO!! I’ve finally found my love and I won’t give up after searching for him for so long.
The enemy says: Your love? (He laughs at her and takes his position ready to fight as well) Well then, I’ll enjoy making him see you suffer.
(During the fight Nathan watches the whole scene and thinks that it’s unreal and that it must be a dream. He witnesses Cayla show amazing skill in hand to hand combat. She manages to catch the enemies Ninjato with her two hands and with incredible strength breaks it in two. However, the enemy gets in a shot and electrocutes her with his left palm. She quickly counterattacks and breaks the electrocuting device attached on to his left arm, which leaves the enemy with nothing but is bare hands. Yet, because Cayla was weakened by the electric attack, the enemy was able to counterattack with a devastating blow to the abdomen, leaving her breathless and falls back collapsing against the wall.)The Enemy: Hah, is that all you have in you, Fallen One. (He addresses Nathan) That’s a nice face you got there, boy. Does it terrify you seeing your girlfriend injured and helpless?
Nathan, horrified by what he sees, immediately gets up and takes his stand putting himself in front of Cayla, saying: STOP IT!! I won’t let you touch her again.
Cayla tries to let out a few words: Don’t...please... just... run away.
Nathan refuses, says: Never, I’ll die before I let him lay a finger on you.
Nathan says in his mind: it’s been years since I fought, I hope I can remember what my master taught me about Krav Maga.
The Enemy: Well, well, you have some guts, kid, but
this is none of you concern, now get out of my way.
Nathan: In your dreams pal, this is do or die. Now leave before I make you leave.
The Enemy: HAHAHAHA...Tough talk, eh? I like your enthusiasm kid. Alright then, I’ll make this fair for you, we fight with our bodies, just like real men. Deal?
A fight ensues between Nathan and the enemy, and while Nathan is able to show great skill, he cannot beat him because of the enemy’s cyborg strength. The enemy knocks him down, and in desperation, Nathan uses a very solid and heavy object to knock the enemy down. He then quickly grabs and carries Cayla out of the house and tries to figure out in which direction the police station is. He takes a short cut through the alley ways.
The enemy regains his footing and says: Bad move kid, you used a weapon. Now it’s time to get serious.
The enemy chases after them and quickly catches up. Nathan, knowing that he can’t outrun him, decides to make a last stand. He lays Cayla down next to a fence.
Cayla protests: No, don’t fight him, just leave me. I don’t want you to die.
Nathan: I already told you I won’t let him hurt you ever again. I’m never losing another loved one again. And didn’t you say that you wouldn’t give up. If you want me to live, then fight with me. I need you.
The enemy: Enough of this. It’s pointless running away from me.
Nathan: I’m not running anymore. Come On.
The enemy: HAHAHA...That’s more like it.
(Nathan gives it his all, but he is badly beaten and the enemy takes out a knife he had hidden on his body and stabs Nathan in the stomach, but not before Nathan breaks through the helmet mask and gouaches his right eye . He then forcefully pushes Nathan back and falls against the fence next to Cayla while the enemy angrily groans in pain over losing his right eye and struggling to gain his footing.)
Cayla screams: NATHAN.
Cayla crawls towards Nathan and sits in front of him touching his face with her hand and covering his stomach wound with her other hand. She says: You’re going to be alright, I’m here now.
Nathan: I’m sorry, I couldn’t beat him....I’m glad I got to meet you again. You’re as beautiful as I remember.
Cayla: No, please don’t talk.
Cayla: You remembered my name.
Nathan: I have to say this before it’s too late. I never got the courage to say it back then.
Cayla: Please save your strength, don’t speak.
Nathan:....I...always...loved…you. And I still do.
(Cayla begins to flow tears from her eyes.)
Cayla: And I love you, Nathan. Please, Nathan, stay with me. It’s not over yet. Because....you’re my Destined One. If you die then I die with you.
(Cayla then proceeds to passionately kiss Nathan, and Nathan with the last bit of his strength proceeds to put his arms around Cayla.)LINK
Then, Cayla begins to shine brightly and wings start to slowly come out of her back. As the wings spread quickly to full size Cayla then starts to glow with light and power and the mark on her right hand disappears.
Cayla ends the kiss and says to Nathan: I’m ending this now.
(She then proceeds to rise up into the air and face the enemy.)
Cayla threatens the enemy saying: I won’t let you hurt Nathan anymore. You will pay for what you’ve done to us.
(Nathan looks at Cayla with confusion and wonder as he begins to have a flashback of a figure similar to Cayla, but with black wings and red hair. As Nathan’s flashback ends, Cayla then flies at great speed towards the enemy and tackles him, sending him flying back and rolling on the ground with tremendous force. With his cyborg-like body seriously damaged, he starts to show fear and is in disbelief that Cayla has awakened her powers)
The enemy says: No, this can’t be. How did she awaken her powers? It’s no good; I can’t fight her like this.
(The enemy decides to retreat and run away. Cayla intends to not allow him to escape, but Nathan was able to whisper out a few last words: No Cayla, let him go.)
Cayla, with her senses heightened, is able to hear Nathan’s words and agrees to let the enemy go. She then rushes back to Nathan’s side and returns back to normal form. It’s Evening and it begins to rain.
Cayla: Nathan, please hold on. Stay with me my love. I’ll make you better.
As Nathan’s eyes gradually close, he can still hear Cayla’s voice calling out his name.
Nathan loses consciousness and begins to dream about the past and his relationship with Cayla.
(In the Dream, Nathan is 17 years old and living on a Farm in Texas. Nathan is outside on the porch taking in the beautiful scene of the fields on a bright day. He then here’s rustling in the field and goes to check it out.)
Nathan: Hello, is anyone there? (The rustling gets louder until Cayla comes out staggering in front of Nathan and falling to her hand and knees) Are you ok? Can I help you.
Cayla says in her mind: What’s this feeling? (She looks up and sees Nathan, revealing to him her bruises and cuts on her face and body)
Nathan: Oh man, what happened to you? Please, let me help you.
Cayla says in her mind: It is him. He’s the one. (Nathan kneels down and tries to touch her, but she grabs his hand)
Cayla: No, stop.
Nathan: But, I only want to help you. (Cayla lets go of his hand) Who did this to you? (Cayla doesn’t say a word) Come on. Let me take you to the farm and fix you up, then we’ll call the police and....
Cayla: NO, DON’T DO THAT....please (Cayla tries to get up, but she can’t)
Nathan: Alright, I won’t. Just let me carry you, you look injured and you can barely move. (Nathan moves forward and Cayla shies away from him.) It’s alright, I’m not gonna hurt you, and I won’t let anyone hurt you again, I promise. (Cayla, comforted by his words, let’s Nathan carry her to the Farm)
Nathan: By the way, my name’s Nathan. Can I ask what’s yours?
Cayla: My name is.....Cayla.
Nathan: Cayla, I like that name. Cayla! It’s a wonderful name. I’ll patch up your wounds and I’ll see if my Aunt and Uncle will let you stay at the Farm. And don’t worry. You don’t need to tell me what happened to you. You can tell me when you’re ready.
Cayla: Thank you, Nathan.
Nathan: No problem. It’s my pleasure. (Cayla hugs Nathan tightly)
Nathan says in his mind: She’s holding on to me tightly. She must have been really scared over what happened to her. You’re safe now)
(Nathan gives her shelter at the Farm and his uncle and aunt allows her to stay on the Farm. Nathan and Cayla then become close friends doing everything together, helping around the Farm, going out together to Nascar events, sports events, watching TV and movies together, challenging each other competively out in the fields, and having personal conversations. One day out in the field Nathan and Cayla walk together holding hands and Nathan says)
Nathan: You’re such a competitive person, aren’t you? I keep working out a sweat. But, I guess you keep me healthy and fit with all these things that we do together. Thanks, Cayla, for coming into my life.
Cayla: It’s me who should thank you. I’ve had more joy and happiness with you these past few months, then I had for thousands of years? (Cayla realizes she said something she wasn’t supposed to say)
Nathan: Thousands of years? (Nathan thinks Cayla is exaggerating) Hahaha...That’s a long time for a young woman like you. I thank God you haven’t lost your beauty in all that time. Hahaha.
Cayla: Nathan. I know this is sudden, but...you and I are meant for each other. I know you have feelings for me, the same feelings I have for you. I want to hear you say it. (Nathan is surprised and feels unprepared)
Nathan: Say what?, I..uhh...I like you.
Cayla: No, say that you love me.
Nathan: I...can’t. (Nathan stays silent)
Cayla: Do you even love me? (Nathan stops and looks at Cayla with a smile and holds both her hands) Then say it, please.
Nathan: Give me time, I’ll tell you what I truly feel about you, but not now.
Cayla: Is your past still troubling you? Why won’t you tell me? Hmmm...At least I know you feel the same way I feel about you. I’ll be waiting for you then.
Nathan blushes and says: Thank you, Cayla. Let’s go now. My Aunt wants us to get something from the store.
Cayla: Ok! First one to the store wins.
Nathan: What, again? Cayla! Waaiiiit. I’m still trying to recover from our last race.
Cayla: Come on, ya slow poke. I’m already ahead of you. Keep up. (She laughs cheerfully)
Nathan: You don’t even know where the store is. Caylaaa! (Nathan says in his mind: God, I love her, but she is gonna be the death of me)
(The next day Cayla called Nathan out in the field and she presented to him a necklace with the engraved cross. There she promised him that she would return and make him her Destined One and that once she made him her Destined One, she would be his forever. As Nathan is looking down at the necklace Cayla disappears within the field and Nathan lifts up his head to see that she is gone.)
Nathan: Cayla...Cayla...CAYLA! No...don’t go. (Nathan drops to his knees and a tear drops from his face. Nathan quietly says) I love you...Cayla.