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PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 9:18 pm
by Zarn Ishtare
USSRGirl wrote:I think I remember reading Song of the Stormcrow before. Curious, how long ago did you write it? The style/feel seems to be more mythology and less contemporary than your newer poems. Not that contemporary is a bad thing.
Yeah, you read the original post way back. You liked it, as I recall.
Whaddya think of "The Clean Mountain"?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 8:12 pm
by USSRGirl
I like the fantasy like quality to it, particularly the last line "set back to wondering again." Ribbon in the Air has very pretty imagery too. Really captured my imagination.
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:53 pm
by Zarn Ishtare
"The Dark is like an impersonal mother;
it holds me
and consoles me
then throws me back into the night.
The day says it cares for me
you know it says prayers for me
but it only leads to twilight.
So I'll wonder round that mother
for another reply
and if you ask me why
Maybe I'll find
a reason."
"Random And Untitled" by De Luit
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:37 am
by Zarn Ishtare
"Oh lonely soul
I was weaned on woe
With Mother's Milk, I drank it
Like a carpet stain on a persian rug;
Like a lone window pane
I miss my frame.
I ascribe to the engenue feelings of regret
Our passing union couldn't beget
So I hid my face behind the books
And tried to dodge the dirty looks.
It was a drizzle on a dry mind
It was a dress on a steel frame
it was pointless
but all the same
...I wanted it."
"Less..." De Luit.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 12:07 pm
by USSRGirl
Oooh you're style begins to remind me more and more of T.S. Elliot. I love the chaotic, contradictory phrasing like "but all the same ... I wanted it. ...Less." and "The day says it cares for me, you know it says prayers for me but it only leads to twilight."
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:05 pm
by Zarn Ishtare
"And every thought makes the hand move
every time the dish crack against the wall
every time my fingers bruise
their staccato echo through the hall
(it was salvation)
Oh yes, I beat myself
I can't allow anyone else to hurt me
Oh yes, I break my hands
Just so I could stand on pure white sands
(and scream!)
I was a jester, slowly cavorting
Now I'm a Prester, kicking and screaming
I was quite content with an alibie
till you came about and made it a lie
(I Danced Through Denial)
And every swipe of the purifying cloth
seems to only deepen the sinful stain
and everytime I scream at the sky
it seems only to bring on the rain!
(It was a hurricane!)
So I ran, to hide in the woods
But my axe misunderstood
it struck that wood with an extra's wrath
and heartbroken, it opened up a path before me
(the Woods)
And I flung, these flowers at the sky
but they were just weed seeds floatin' by
And I cried every time it rained
But it was no surcrease to my pain!
So now I yell these feelings at the night
disturbing everyone in sight
now I cry to try and stop the rain
Then I'll try to board this train
(to save me)
"Blake's Generations" De Luit.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:21 pm
by Dante
It's almost got a rap rhyme, (without all dirty words) I'm really groovin with the sh rythem and U got da beat that makes the words swiiiiiiiiinnnng! By the way, whose De Luit? I love how the line about standing on white sands and screaming. Why do you ask? The pure insanity! It is someplace odd crazy and strange we've never been to before.... granted it's the funny farm, but this rhyme has the works of the phat farm you know what I mean! Good job Zarn, too bad you seem to dislike the rain in this piece... because I really like rain you know, and well... if you lived in the desert this long, you'd miss it too! (We hit 105 degrees today YAY!!!!)
Oh, and about the words prester and cavorting congratulations, I don't have a clue what they mean and that's extra points (If there are such things) for using uber hard ten dollar words... because we don't use those words enough in the english language. COME ON EVERYONE GIVE ME AN ABSTRUSE, A CACAPHONY, A BELLICOSE AND ALLOW US ALL TO LIVE IN CONCORD! yeah... probobly murdering the english language as normal, but Zarn knows how to make it work so ask him!
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 10:24 am
by Zarn Ishtare
A Cave
There was a storm outside the cave
there was a
Boy inside the Cave
Sitting still
Sitting dry.
And outside
The storm raged outside
And the wind banged
and the clouds bobbed
And sitting still
The Boy Inside
he did not cry
And inside
the rocks dripped
the cavern yawned
and inside of it
sat
a silent child
Into the cave
Came a frosty wind
biting toes
snatching fingers
Catching claws
older than mountains
And outside sat an old man
who perched precariously
serenely
upon the windswept rock
And with
Raised hands
He cried out
smiling
"My Arms Are Heavy Laden!
My Eyes Are Pools Of Memory!
I Am My Father's Son
I
Am
Suffering!"
And the wind carried away his words, along with his
precarious perch
and the boy sat
quietly
and quite still
replied to the old man:
"My Will Is My Will".
"Human Symmetry" De Luit.
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 3:22 pm
by Photosoph
More beautiful poetry from the Zarn! \^_^
"Random and Untitled"; I really liked the idea of this poem, and how you've formed and created it too. The difference between day and night, and the deeper meanings I barely glean, yet still see slightly, are really excellent.
For me, it kind of speaks of how we reject what's good and go after what's bad, wanting it to be good, or something like that.
"Less..."
The first two verses are really excellent. Especially with the second, they could almost be short pieces of poetry on their own.
I really loved that second verse;
"I missed my frame." I'm not sure quite why, but I really like that line. I think it's just a really interesting thought -a window pane missing its frame; very cool personalisation.
"It was pointless but all the same... I wanted it." I loved that -a really excellent ending; not just as and ending, but I mean it's just good overall. You come up with really neat thoughts and ways of phrasing and putting together your thoughts and ideas; like this line. ^^
"Blake's Generations" -is this a reference to something I don't know of? Perhaps a historical figure? I'm not sure -please elaborate if so.
I'd like to know more about it. It might shed some light on some of the themes/imagery etc in the poem.
Anyway, I'm not sure what a 'Prester' is... that's just a title/word/reference I don't know.
Your poem seems to echo with quite a few of the feelings/theme/ideas of the other poems you've written -not in a bad way, but they just remind me of the feelings of some of your other pieces. Like throwing flowers at the sky, but they're only weeds... it reminds me of some of your poems of how what we have to offer to God is so little and unworthy. ANd how we try to do our best, but fail.
Very deep emotion, and I love how you've... I'm not sure... how do I say it? Um... 'formed' his poem. The style of it. -With the lines between parenthesis like extra thoughts or cries. A very moving poem -the emotion flows freely throughout it.
"Human Symmetry"
Very cool. I mean, it reminds me of Elijah in the cave at first, but turns towards something very different. At the end it brings me back to reminding me of how we want to stay doing what we do; we don't want to change. We want to be 'masters of our own destiny'.
Through the poem, I really liked how there was that distinction between the roaring cacophany and movement outside and the still, silence and emptiness of the cave inside (the dripping from the rocks really helped to create that atmosphere, too).
It's excellent to be able to read more -excellent to know you're still writing! (Not that I doubted that you were... but it's just a good thing.
)
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 3:29 pm
by Zarn Ishtare
Thanks.
Personally, I think "Human Symmetry" is the first poem where the last line has been decent: It is very hard for me to end a poem on just the right note, and that "My Will Is My Will" line just fit so perfectly.
Blake's Generation's was inspired by William Blake, a famous poet, and the poem, "Mock On, Mock On, Voltaire, Russaeu".
Prester means Preacher.
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 4:05 pm
by USSRGirl
*Seconds Pascal's comment* Oh yeaaah, got all the angst and inner turmoil of a popular rap song... minus the dirty words (thankfully).
PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 9:53 am
by Zarn Ishtare
the earth vibrates as
a platinum string
strummed
How sweet it thrums
The earth-guitar
and how sweet the hand
which sings the sound!
But sweeter still
the able will
which guides the hand
twill keep the still
from consuming land.
For more fearsome is silence
than any sound
in pools of quiet
music drowns
And sweet the tones
and the shadowed sounds
of the noiseless whispers
of crumbling ill
but sweeter still
is the sound of song
that defeats the still
And yet sweeter still
is the singers will
the song that bursts
from a hand that tills
or a voice that chills
And silence is empty
it's stomach is spacious
while song is of plenty
and music is gracious
"Silent are the dead
But loud are the rightious
who with throbbing voice
and steady hand
guide the song
and in place of sacred land
the song is home."-Quietus.
"Song And Silence." De Luit.
PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 10:18 am
by Zarn Ishtare
Golden
Like honey
a liquor
flowing slow.
"Yellows Flow" De Luit.
The Frozen Heart
The Heated Face
The Dreadful Place
IT was THE place
the place of our breaking
the place of my brokeness
where first tears
fell from pools of memory
my eyes
and the last place
I remembered you.
"Words For The Generic, The Unrequited" De Luit.
PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 10:55 am
by Zarn Ishtare
Pray consider
how the trees wither
And understand
this hand
will write no more
of the sacred land
until poetry
becomes reality.-"Thought On A Tree, Unfinished."
PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 11:08 am
by USSRGirl
Thought on a Tree was nice but short. I like your ryhmes better than free verse/descriptive like in Yellow Flow.
PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 2:36 pm
by goldenspines
Great writing as always.
"Yellow Flows" was very short and I ended up wishing for more in it. It was descriptive though and gave me a clear picture.
"Words For The Generic, The Unrequited" was wonderful. Even though it was short as well, it still portrayed the emotion in it very well.
I liked "Thought On A Tree, Unfinished". It has a nice tone and tempo.
Like USSRGirl said, I prefer your rhyming poems more than your free verse poems as well.
PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2007 4:19 pm
by Photosoph
Very beautiful; up to your excellent standard. ^^
I do like your rhyming poems, but the freeverse have an openness about them that introduce a subject and let me ponder on it.
I'm not feeling very wordy today, but suffice to say: I loved your additions. Beautiful 'Song and Silence'; the contrast or look at the difference between the two. At first reminded me of earthquakes since I'd been watching a documentary on them, but that impression quickly faded.
"Yellows flow" ; Reminds me of drink or liquor.
"Words For The Generic, The Unrequited" -Very cool. I liked it bringing back to a theme common to your poems; the grief and rememberance, or something like that, after quite a few different-themed pieces.
"Thought on a Tree, Unfinished"; that title really rocks! I love it! I do like the poem too; but it just seems a little ironic, considering I expect that you'll write more.
However, I understand that feeling; that feeling of ceasing, I think. Ceasing at least for a time.
PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2007 7:46 pm
by Zarn Ishtare
I see the tree
it has thrown its withered bones
skyward
the frozen claws
a proclamation.
"Thoughts On A Tree, Continued." De Luit.
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 2:58 pm
by Photosoph
Ooo, very nice. I like the idea; and although the last word fits with the whole theme, for some reason I was expecting something different at the end. o_O
PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2007 7:12 am
by Zarn Ishtare
"Ant
Your death will be lonely
and your grave
will be hidden under the microwave
where you found the food you tried to steal
your corpse will be scented with camamile
the soap that washed the counters
will cleanse your antish stain.
And when you die,
Oh lonely ant
your family will not mourn
but take your place to steal my food
until from this world, their torn.
(By the exterminator coming in the morn!)"
"The Fate Of An Ant In My Home In Summer" De Luit.
PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2007 2:41 pm
by Photosoph
Rofl!
You know, it's a neat poem -and has some interesting aspects to consider. But I just love the fact that it's about a dead ant -that makes me smile.
As said before, though; it's great. I laugh not because it's simple; I laugh at the concept, for it is cool. *Nods sagely*
PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2007 8:05 am
by Zarn Ishtare
"I gaze upon the mound of dirt
that looked upon the shining moon
Curious eyes from the mud
embraced the sight of Luna's womb
as it
gave birth
to starlight."
PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2007 4:15 pm
by Photosoph
Interesting. I like the imagery -and though I doubt it's what you intended, I get the picture of poppy, cartoon-like eyes sticking out of the mud. I think I've just watched too many cartoons with random things like mud monsters etc in them. ^_^"
Beautiful; though I can't quite grasp or get into this poem as much as the others. The idea of 'mud' seems to speak of uncleanliness or unworthiness, but at the moment my head's not quite in the state for figuring more than that. Just one of those days where my brains a little slow, that's all.
PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2007 7:46 pm
by Zarn Ishtare
[quote="Photosoph"]Interesting. I like the imagery -and though I doubt it's what you intended, I get the picture of poppy, cartoon-like eyes sticking out of the mud. I think I've just watched too many cartoons with random things like mud monsters etc in them. ^_^"
Beautiful]
read the first poem in this thread, then read it again.
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2007 9:33 pm
by Zarn Ishtare
Hidden behind the window pane
I consider your face; blurred by rain
eyes brimming with fright
seem beautiful; from this side.
I contemplate the shattered sounds
and mutilated tones
erupting from a mirror, darkly.
I look at all the people
not looking at each other.
"Dark Musings, Essa One" De Luit.
PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2007 8:42 pm
by Photosoph
Ah, now I see it better. ^_^ It makes a lot more sense now. I didn't realise it was tied into the first poem; but now I see.
Wow; so expressive of a feeling I know: where you can see the turmoil, yet it seems dim and far away... the last lines
("I look at all the people - - not looking at each other") were especially effective. They have a powerful feeling about them -summing up what's said in a powerful manner (yes, please forgive the repetition of that word
).
PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 2:20 pm
by Zarn Ishtare
*Begin Message: Play? New Message:652-427-0021 Called at 6:24, Monday, 21st, 2007
Sweet lady
I have Kissed you
but in the crevice of your mouth
a tainted
tongue defiled me
and your hands
like
rushing waters
tic'd across my shoulders
and held me down
drowning me in your caresses
Cage-embrace
I have lain side by side with you
Posessive, nothing left to hold on to
and nothing left to do
but use us as a pillow
try to
make room on a twin
bed
you spoke more words to me but
they were just
and only
words.
When I reached your car they
held me back and said to me don't
look it's quite aweful and not how you would want
to remember her at all
So stone is what I'm speaking to today
and your face stares out from the
porcelain plate with eyes of china white
hammered into the granite
but you don't talk anymore
even as
your painted mouth frames a
question.
and when I wore black to your
wake
It wasn't for you
It wasn't for me
It wasn't for our love
It was...
It was for...
It wasn't for...
I don't know anymore.
*End Of Message. 652-427-0021 Called at 6:24, Monday, 21st, 2007.*
"I found this on an abandoned answering machine, once."
"Found On An Answering Machine", De Luit.
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2007 5:18 pm
by Photosoph
It's quite different, unusual how you've gone about it as a message on an answering machine... but it does make for an interesting change.
You know, you use a lot of imagery in this one as well, but its meaning and 'story/plot/idea' is a lot more straightforward. I like how you've described it; and lead the story and theme from the beginning to the end. In that way, it tells a story of its own, helping to bring the idea through and keep my attention.
So many beautiful lines; 'painted mouth frames a question'... 'procelain plate... china white...' really well done.
PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 4:10 pm
by Zarn Ishtare
“In the battered State
On my china plate
My philosophic meal
Emphasizing imagination
Disregarding the tassel
Which hangs from my brow
It seems education is second
to prestidigitation
(the speaker of the Estate, the man of Consequence, the Real Politico)
It seems all of this
Four walls, a breakfast nook
The private butler, the private cook
(myself)
must make do for now.â€
PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 4:33 pm
by USSRGirl
Hmm... very interesting. Question - what was the symbolism behind your choice of colors? You use red in a few lines and then several colors in the third line of your last stanza. The crimson banner reminded me of a war-zone... ya know died in blood kinda thing... but maybe that's just my twisted mind.
Eh... anyway. Nice work!