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Postby Makachop^^128 » Tue Nov 22, 2011 10:11 pm

Could you invite some of the girls to come with you? Or you could sit on the front porch/somewhere where the noise isn't so bad but you're not totally alone and read a book? Definitely invite your brother along next time. You two really should not be alone until he's talked to somebody.
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All my friends that are girls are Wiccan and Buddhist ...they refuse to come.

While you're stressing the importance of him seeking support in this phase of his life, it's best you let someone you trust know about it as well. Your dad, brother, a girlfriend. Together, you can all work through this so it doesn't allow for awkward moments.
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I told my mom and dad about it, and I'm still praying for him

Thanks for the prayer guys :)
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Postby Adorima » Sun Nov 27, 2011 1:15 am

Maka, I'll be praying that you're friend gets the guidance he needs.

Alright guys, I'm in need of some honest advice. It's about guys, sex, my schooling/future career and my inferiority complex.

So I recently turned 23 this past October and again I'm being bothered by this dark voice in my head, figuratively speaking I suppose, that by now I need to be more than halfway through with my Bachalors Degree in French and/or finished with it, be well traveled and have a boyfriend who I am having sex with.

The part about school and my career as an ESL teacher is commendable, but I know in my heart the part about having a boyfriend who I can have sex with and therefore can call a status symbol is totally absurd and destructive.

The problem is that my best friend (my sister) and my supervisor where I volunteer for are in/directly stating that "if you haven't done these things you are a sad, deprived individual" (boss) or, "I want you to be happy with a guy, because right now you aren't." Which frankly, pisses me off. How long have I worked to be rid of my inferiority complex from highschool, when even then, at age 16, these things were a co-requieste for being a admirable person?

Let me enumerate my accomplishements that "aren't good enough":

1) I can speak French
2) I've improved my piano playing and voice skills
3) I've reduced my need for psychiatric medication
4) I've held a job for a year
5) I've paid my parents $300/monthly rent, even when they didn't ask for it
6) I took karate for 2 years and got toned and 150 lbs easy (I'm 165 now)
7) I've come to know Jesus and that he loves me
8) I've begun writing my "next great American novels"
9) I can cook a delicious meal without any help
10) I've gotten A's on my Political Science papers.

So I guess I'll stop there.

I know we're all on a different time table, I know you shouldn't and can't force love to happen. But sometimes I can't help but feel deprived and that I should have had a boyfriend by now, (I've never had any) that I should have had my first kiss by now. That I should at least be done with school so I can go on with my adventurous life...

I bitterly tell myself that I could die tomorrow and that all thees critics are proud of their status in vain, but then I feel that the Holy Spirit is telling me," Mara, fix your attitude before you can see clearly enough to fix others'"
Amen to that. My friends in heaven have my back, so maybe their impressing something upon you to tell to me right now, as my earthly friends. Just want to know.

Thanks.
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Postby shooraijin » Sun Nov 27, 2011 1:16 pm

Why, particularly, would the 'dark voice' be telling you that?
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Postby Adorima » Sun Nov 27, 2011 1:44 pm

Because I have an inferiority complex. That's it. Btw, it's not a schizophrenic voice, it's a thought.
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Postby K. Ayato » Sun Nov 27, 2011 1:48 pm

Sounds to me that this "dark voice" is the expectations of society and people you work with simply getting under your skin.

I know it's frustrating to see your peers hooking up left and right, even more when they throw their virginity away and brag about it. Drove me crazy, honestly. But in the end, I learned that all those obstacles can do is discourage me. They can shout in my ears, mess up my perception, and even stand in the way of my goals, but they can't hurt me.

Choice is yours, hon, and I'm sure you know it :). They can bug ya until they're blue in the face but you're the one who can tune them out and focus on what you feel led to do and be used by God in some way ^_^.
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Postby Adorima » Sun Nov 27, 2011 1:58 pm

Yeah, I think the choice is mine too. Thanks for that K. I sometimes feel I need to be glorified for my good deeds, but that is the way of the Pharisee and the proud. Which I can be sometimes. So hard, yet edifying to be truely humble.
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Postby TopazRaven » Sun Nov 27, 2011 1:59 pm

Adorima, I sometimes find myself in a similar situation. Though I must admit not to the extent of your troubles, which I'm sorry you are having and will pray end soon. However I am 22 years old, don't go to school, don't have a job currently, still live with my mom and count on her to feed me since I don't have any money and have never been on a date or had my first kiss. I feel like the biggest loser in the world sometimes. Yet, I know that the only one who can fix this is me (with some help from God of course) and things won't get better until I put the effort into it. Take a look at that list you just made. You have and are doing great things and you seem to know this in least a little or else you wouldn't have listed them. Does it really matter what other's think of you as long as you know the truth? You seem to be doing well for yourself. Take your time, stay motivated and don't worry so much about what other people say or do. It is your life, not theirs. As for the sex part, I'm afraid I'm not so good at giving advice to begin with and I'll probably be even worse with this. While I do wish I could have a boyfriend and get married some day my own sex drive is very very low. I really couldn't care less if I ever have it. Anyone who has talked to me enough though knows that I have a pretty liberal view on sex (this is off topic and will not be mentioned from here on out because of that), however that definitely isn't something you should just rush into because you want it. I think you need to maybe talk to someone you can trust about this. Both the dark voice you spoke of before and your other personal wants/needs. A pastor? Your parents? A close friend? You really shouldn't keep this all bottled up. Especially if it is troubling you so much.
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Postby Adorima » Sun Nov 27, 2011 2:33 pm

Dear Topaz,

I think you're right about me talking to a trusted Christian friend about this. It's not like I haven't given into my anger and lust, oddly my anger is what fuels my lust (probably because I feel that I think I have to go on a splurge), and it never calms my qualms about my self-worth. What does though, is going to mass, going to confession and all in all opening up myself to God's will for me.

I had a priest who said in a very insensitive way (I thought at the time) "Maybe you weren't meant to have friends (We were talking about me not having any friends back when I was in highschool). While that was probably a very unkind thing to say to a bullied 14 year old, looking back on it, tactless ol' Fr. August simply meant, that friends aren't of capital importance to being a fulfilled person. I think he meant to say that I need to turn my sights back on Jesus, who I didn't know at the time very well. Friends come when you can give love, because the likelihood of receiving love without giving love, is pretty low. It wasn't a comfort. But it was the truth (But we should say the truth in love...and some kindness too...although I have to hand it to him. I never forgot what he said) and at least it gave me direction. I prayed to Jesus yesterday and today that he might give me courage to take the right step, and strength to do it each time, as well as to capitalize on the things he's giving me now, instead of fantasizing about the boys, the life, he should have given me - to be a good and hard-working servant with his talents, not a wicked lazy one.
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So that was some response to how you're feeling. I definitely think that getting personally invested in helping others whether it be a job, volunteer-work, clears up what you should be doing, and get's you interested in life again. Because that's what life is God, and people.
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Postby Yuki-Anne » Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:39 pm

Also, don't idealize having a boyfriend and loads of sex with said boyfriend. Virginity has its advantages. Every time my more promiscuous friends talk about child custody battles and awful, vindictive exes, I think my Lord Jesus that He had the wisdom to make rules about sex and marriage. That doesn't mean that marriage is a cure-all, because a terrible mate is a terrible mate whether you waited til you were married or not, but having that requirement for yourself is a pretty good deterrent for a lot of creeps.

I'd rather be a virgin my entire life than to EVER have to deal with a child custody battle.
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Postby K. Ayato » Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:57 pm

The pressure I'm sure you're feeling to get a boyfriend and sleep with him to get these people to shut up is no doubt heavy. I feel for you. I hated how people made fun of me years ago 'cause I was in my early twenties and still a virgin. But at the same time, I got acquainted with some girls who really admired it. One even said "How did you manage that for all this time?, and another said with a sad note to her voice that if she could go back, she would have held onto it.

Take comfort in that, hon. Amidst all the ridicule, you're being a testimony.
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Postby Adorima » Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:24 pm

Lol, you guys. Thanks so much. I'll be rereading your responses to me until I get them engrained in my brain. It usually doesn't take long for sober, cautionary advice to get through to me though.

Actually K-chan, I have encountered people at my work in the kitchen who've said that they don't know how I can do it either, because, as they've owned up to me, they don't have any self-control. :|
Pretty scary.

Yeah it get's hard sometimes to be around those people. So I'm usually not around them. Lol.
Yuki-Anne, that's some pretty solid factual advice there. Relationships don't cure your problems. In fact they cause more problems, I've heard and observed. Lol at the vigin forever comment. :)

*lifted my spirits*
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Postby Warrior 4 Jesus » Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:39 pm

I feel for you, mate, I really do. I'm 28 and still a virgin and I used to get crap about it, but I stuck by my guns (I guess it's much easier when you don't and have never had a girlfriend). Still I have lustful feelings and desires but they need to be brought to Christ, for him to give me strength when I have none. I'll be praying for you and your situation. You're in good company here.
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Postby Sheenar » Mon Nov 28, 2011 8:07 am

I get the same flack from family --I was the only one not either married or in a relationship at our family Thanksgiving (other than my 8 year old twin cousins and baby second cousin). I always get poked at asking when I'll find a guy.

People don't seem to understand that it's good to wait until the right person comes along. And my uncle making a comment about how I might be a lesbian because I don't have a boyfriend is hurtful. I told them I have way too much crap going on in my life currently to worry and obsess over getting a boyfriend/finding a husband. If it happens, it happens.

Yuki, you gave some solid advice. I've seen SO many very ugly situations come out in relationships. Which is why it is good to not give your virginity away. I would also rather be a virgin forever than get tied up in a custody battle. I am also cautious about who I would choose in a partner --I also don't want to be stuck in a marriage with an abusive jerk either, but am holding out for a godly man.

Having discipline and self-control is honorable. Use this time of singleness --in no other time in your life will you have the freedom to serve God as you do now (being able to drop everything and go serve) --before you have the responsibilities of a husband and/or children.


I'm not sure if any of the above makes sense. I've been having a lot of trouble lately with my cognition/processing.
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Postby Adorima » Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:26 am

Dear Sheenar

My mom said the very same thing. That in blessed singleness I have the opportunity to serve all I come into contact with, because the family isn't my main priority.

It made perfect sense. Thanks for telling me :).
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Postby Okami » Sat Dec 31, 2011 5:47 pm

I want to believe this can be true. I'm praying for change...I need a fresh start.
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Postby Sheenar » Sat Dec 31, 2011 5:54 pm

Okami (post: 1524654) wrote:I want to believe this can be true. I'm praying for change...I need a fresh start.


You and me both, friend.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

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Postby Sebastian Michaelis » Thu Jan 05, 2012 8:07 am

I posted here before but i messed up again...i been struggling with a porn/hentai addiction for as long as i can remember...i keep trying to get out of it just to fall back in the same mistakes...i feel so weak and pathetic i need prayer really bad i been praying myself and my family has been praying for me i just want to never fall back into the same mistakes again and be done with it for good this time ._. and the thing is i don't know if this makes sense but i want to not want it v.v it just gets so hard not to do it sometimes that i crack ._. and mess up again and sometimes i just feel like a lost cause -sigh- . before i get stuck on a negative ramble ... please pray for me to have strength, positivity,understanding and hope so i don't feel like my efforts are in vain. and sorry everyone that i come off negavite i just feel that way from all the times i have tried to quit just to mess up again v.v:?:
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Postby Adorima » Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:04 pm

Sebastian Michaelis.

Don't feel pathetic. Our Lord Jesus Christ suffered EVERY temptation, but committed none. You will be attacked because you are a human soul and Satan desperately wants EVERY soul. But God will help you. It may not seem all peaceful automatically after you ask for help from him, but you will see what he's done for you when you start resisting.

I'll tell you what my priests to whom I confess to, tell me the countless times I fall into sexual sin.

"Do not be discouraged. Do not give up. Help yourself. Stay away from the concrete things that bring about lust. aka. put a filter on your comp, careful what you read, careful what you watch, careful how you look at others. Always respond to temptation with a prayer to Jesus for chastity."

Like this: "Lord Jesus, thank you for creating the gift of my sexuality. I surrender this sinful desire to you and ask you please, by the power of your death and resurrection, to "untwist" in me what sin has twisted so that I might experience sexual desire as you intended - the desire to love in your image." And to reinforce your will to "die" to lust, you may also want to hold yourself in a cross, while repeating this prayer. The point here is to conform yourself to Christ, to carry "in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in your bodies." (2 Cor 4:10) Just resolving to not sin can be very difficult, at times it can be physically and emotionally wrenching, it seems few men and women can experience the freedom for which Christ has set us free because when they taste this kind of "crucifixion," they "come down from the cross." When those nails are biting into your hands, and the burden of the cross seems to heavy to bear, keep going. You are on the verge of a passover from death to life, from lust to authentic love. Only if we are willing to die with Christ can we also live the resurrected life he offers. - Theology of the Body for Beginners: A basic introduction to Pope John Pauls II's Sexual Revolution, written by Christopher West. Pages 50-51.

Chastity does not equal repression. Willing yourself to stop without God's help is repression. The late great JPII's message was that the body and the soul are not at odds. Sex was meant to glorify God. Similar to the 7 Sacraments (Baptism, Eucharist, Confirmation, Reconciliation/Penance, Matrimony, Holy Orders, Anointing of the Sick) we have in the Catholic Church, or outward signs that truly effect on the recipient, what they symbolize, the HUMAN BODY is a sacrament. Nakedness doesn't inevitably espouse lust, it can with sin with a "man who is dominated by lust", but it was created in the beginning to reveal divine truths. We are, afterall, "wonderfully and fearfully made." ~ Ps 139:14 In our giving of ourselves to one another we truly love as God loves. And I highly recommend this book for your daily spiritual life.

If that's too hard for you to think of at the moment of struggle, then think of this: "Pornography is made by people who make their living addicting people and themselves are addicted. Lives who by your participation of watching their products, will lock them into their lifestyle all the more. We want to not encourage them to do this, we want to help them get out of this kind of life. They need a savoir just as much as we do."
Even if it's a cartoon, there are voice actors, people behind the scenes who do similar things to real life pornography.

And from my Pa," It's something you work our every day. Do not promise for tomorrow, tomorrow may never come. But think about what you're doing now. Do not deceive yourself by rationalizing (justifying what you're doing now without any proof or reason) your sin, or even act of considering the sin. Know that what you're thinking about doing WILL offend God, and your love, even the want to love Jesus and Mary, you will choose to not do it."

Another thing: Replace the porn with something productive and giving. This doesn't mean you can anticipate your times of temptation, but think about what you can do to help someone else. It will make you forget yourself. Schedule to volunteer at a soup kitchen. Or to replace it at a moment's notice, do something physical, something rewarding, like exercise or playing with the kids.

What also helps me is fasting. Fasting from food, fasting from anime, fasting from music, my favorite distraction basically. Distractions from God and silence, peace and prayer. One day a week give something up you like for the entire day. It's your training for when the times of temptation come. If you gave up potato chips for God for one full day, something you thought you can't live without eating for at least one day, think about how capable you are of resisting pornographic/sexual addiction which will fight to maintain it's deathgrip on you, but will be forced to let you go and leave you alone if you fight for it.
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It's a struggle my friend, I KNOW. Always be vigilant, but know it's a struggle you're winning with the Lord Jesus if you pick yourself up! Every day, every moment you go resisting, even if you're not thinking about the sin at all, is a victory. The more victories you put between yourself and the sin, the prouder you will be of yourself, and the more clear your mind will be to fill it with the Lord.

I'll pray for you! Pick yourself up! Jesus be praised! I'm sorry this was so late in replying!
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Postby Nate » Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:09 am

This is actually not particularly a prayer request for myself, but for some friends of mine, but due to the nature of the subject matter I figured it'd fit best here.

For a while now I've been hanging out with a LGBT community and there's a lot of really wonderful people there, and I love them all dearly. Recently a couple of ones that are very dear to me have become very depressed, I think partially due to school starting and the holidays being over, and the fact that many of them either do not get along with their families (or have to hide who they are from their families out of fear of being ostracized and hated).

There are two very sweet and wonderful transgender girls I know (one of whom I have a HUGE crush on, but I'll address that later). Lately they have been unable to enjoy life because of their condition, one of them flat out said she hates that she was born wrong, and doesn't like herself because of it. She feels hurt as well because she knows that no matter what she does, she'll never be treated the same as a regular woman. She even asked me straight up the other night if I could ever be sexually attracted to her, and I answered that no, I probably couldn't. I didn't say it to be mean, I said it to be honest...and she said she expected that answer, but it still hurt her a bit.

The other friend I have is much the same way. She feels she has nothing to look forward to in her life, nothing to hope for. She feels she's never going to be happy, so it's pointless. She doesn't think she'll find a girl who will accept her for who she is, I think. That normal lesbians will be turned off to her because she has a penis, and straight girls would want her to keep it instead of getting sex reassignment surgery. That and she feels uncomfortable about her appearance, and basically asked people today if she should become anorexic.

It doesn't help that I have a massive crush on this particular girl at the moment, despite her body. I'm actually kind of glad she's a lesbian because if she was straight, I don't know if I could pursue a relationship with her due to the fact that she's biologically male. Still, it's rough because I do genuinely care about her, but I can't help her because of the fact that I'm a dude, and my romantic feelings towards her mean nothing. And being rejected kind of sucks despite the fact that if she accepted I'd probably reject her. It's messed up I know.

Still, these two girls are very sweet and I care deeply for them and it hurts me to see them beating themselves up over this stuff...I know it probably comes with the territory but even so, I wish for them to be happy...I know they kind of can't be for now but I've been praying for them a lot, and I'd appreciate more prayer for them.
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Postby Atria35 » Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:43 am

I'm praying for them! As many stories you hear about how hard it is to live life like that, it's always saddening. I'm also praying for you, because heartbreak is always tough.
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Postby LadyRushia » Mon Jan 23, 2012 6:27 am

The transgender experience is probably one of the most difficult experiences to understand if you yourself aren't trans. I'll pray for them as well. Take comfort in the fact that you can at least be friends with these girls and if you haven't already, remind them that they aren't alone because they at least have your friendship.
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Postby TopazRaven » Mon Jan 23, 2012 9:12 am

What a heartbreaking situation. :( I'll be praying for both these girls and you Nate. I hope things get better for all of you soon.
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Postby Midknight74012 » Thu Feb 02, 2012 7:51 pm

Hey... I need help. Me and Animecosplayer7, my girlfriend, broke up. It was because of something I did. I hate it. I really enjoyed coming home to one of the best people in the world to talk and chat with her, she brought me great joy when I get home. But now it's gone, I have absolutely nothing to look forward to at the end of a long hard day. I've already started taking steps to become a better man, but I don't know if trust can be restored. I wish it could, she always made me smile as we chatted and perked me up after a bad day. I cry, night and day, and have already lost sleep over it.
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Postby Okami » Fri Feb 03, 2012 8:39 am

I have a praise: Today marks three months clean from cutting. In recovery and healing, I've begun a Mederma treatment for my remaining scars. :-^o^-:
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Postby Sheenar » Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:00 pm

Okami (post: 1531150) wrote:I have a praise: Today marks three months clean from cutting. In recovery and healing, I've begun a Mederma treatment for my remaining scars. :-^o^-:


Glad to hear, my friend! :D
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Postby goldenspines » Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:28 pm

Midknight74012 (post: 1531094) wrote:Hey... I need help. Me and Animecosplayer7, my girlfriend, broke up. It was because of something I did. I hate it. I really enjoyed coming home to one of the best people in the world to talk and chat with her, she brought me great joy when I get home. But now it's gone, I have absolutely nothing to look forward to at the end of a long hard day. I've already started taking steps to become a better man, but I don't know if trust can be restored. I wish it could, she always made me smile as we chatted and perked me up after a bad day. I cry, night and day, and have already lost sleep over it.
8( I'll be praying, Mid.
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Postby SnEptUne » Fri Feb 10, 2012 3:38 am

Today, I have committed a great crime against the Lord by fantazing myself getting raped. Am I trying to declude myself into thinking that I will escape the wraith of God if I lose control of myself in my fantasy? Am I trying to create a scapegoat and push all the blames and sins to the imagined rapist? Even if it is a dream I have no control of, I have done absolutely nothing to avoid Satan and his temptation; I have foresaken the Lord in my dream. For the wages of sins is death, yet for a moment, I had desired for death instead of eternal life.

Please pray for me so that the Lord will be with me, to guard my mind, and to help me resist temptation. Amen.
[SIZE="1"]Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)[/SIZE]
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Postby shooraijin » Fri Feb 10, 2012 6:43 am

How do you mean, a scapegoat?
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Postby SnEptUne » Fri Feb 10, 2012 3:52 pm

shooraijin (post: 1532467) wrote:How do you mean, a scapegoat?


The problem is two folded. Firstly, I had not warned or did anything to prevent the imagined evil.

"When I say unto the wicked, You shall surely die; and you give him not warning, nor speak to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at your hand." (Ezekiel 3:18)

Secondly, the evil is a manifestation of my fantasy. As such, the imagined rapist cannot be held responsible for his action since he has no free-will. Thus, in a way, the fantasy by itself is merely an excuse for shifting the blame to a scapegoat.
[SIZE="1"]Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)[/SIZE]
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Postby K. Ayato » Fri Feb 10, 2012 5:35 pm

Whoa! Hold on! Don't beat yourself up over a fantasy, even a bizarre one as fantasizing about being raped. Just because you have a sexual fantasy that's pretty out there doesn't mean you actually want it to happen in real life. If you do, well, that's a whole different issue.

Give yourself a break and ask yourself what could possibly be attractive about the idea of being raped. Could it be the danger involved? Not knowing who the attacker is? You alone know the answer. Is it something to feel guilty about? I can't say. I've had a few strange fantasies/dreams that I would NEVER act out. I shared one with my husband and how horrified I was at the idea, but he said not to get worked up over it. He knew it wasn't real and we both moved on.

Remember that you're human and are prone to imagine all sorts of fantasies and dreams, sexual or not. Are they all sinful? Maybe, maybe not. They can be if you follow through with your actions. Hope that helps.
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